


Somebody to lean on

by EmmaArthur



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: All about Buffy, Canon Disabled Character, Depressed Alex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post Season 1, Tumblr Prompt, dogs are awesome, getting better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-18 22:34:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22900906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmmaArthur/pseuds/EmmaArthur
Summary: Buffy teaches Alex how to be loved.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 48
Kudos: 188





	Somebody to lean on

**Author's Note:**

> [implied depression, PTSD, nightmares, past abuse (human and animal)]
> 
> For an anon prompt on Tumblr that took me way too long to write: "I wish you would write a fic where we see what a positive influence Buffy is in Alex's life and just how much she helps him day to day. I just lost my dog so I could use some good dog fluff." 
> 
> It's...not fluff. I had a bunch of false starts, started this, gave it up, started something else, also gave it up, lost myself in my head for like two weeks, reread this and found that it didn't suck as much as I thought, so I finished it.
> 
> Thank you InsidiousIntent for handholding and encouraging me to post this!

Alex hesitates for a long time after his therapist told him getting a dog would be good for him. He understands all her arguments, that's not the problem. Yes, a dog would be good to force him to walk more−he does his PT religiously most days, but walking as much as his physical therapist wants him to was harder, since it requires getting out of the house. A dog would make him get up on the really bad days when getting out of bed feels like climbing a mountain. A dog would help him keep a regular schedule even when he's discharged from the Air Force and loses the structure it provided. A dog would remind him to make himself something to eat when he loses track of time.

Alex makes pro and con lists, over and over, on the margins of his work notebook and post-its stuck to his fridge. The pros always come on top, if only by a small margin. Yet he still quibbles. Being responsible for another being is scary. He isn't ready. He isn't really in Roswell to stay, he doesn't want to fully settle there. He might have to travel for the Air Force or whatever new job he found, and then where will he leave the dog? There are plenty of arguments against it.

“What are you really scared of?” his therapist asks during a session, after months of this.

They hash it out for a while. In the end, it comes down to this: dogs love their humans unconditionally. Alex doesn't know if he's worth being loved unconditionally.

-

Mimi is the one who convinces him. She just _s_ _ees_ the dog in his future. Alex never really believed in the DeLucas' fortune telling, but like often, he has to admit that he doesn't know how Mimi could have done that by just guessing.

Plus, aliens are real. What's the point in refusing to believe in someone's vague precognition gift after that?

So sometime after that conversation, Alex tells his head to stop screwing with him and takes himself to an animal shelter. Since he was too scared to even accept the idea before, he hasn't looked into dog care yet, or into what breed would be the most appropriate to his lifestyle. But it doesn't really matter, because he wants an older rescue dog, not a puppy he could ruin by raising it wrong. He wants a dog who can fit with him, and that's a dog who's been through hardship and survived.

Buffy isn't what he expected.

He expected to go through a few shelters before he found a match, for one. He expected to choose a dog who was shied away from him, at first. He expected a larger breed, a tall, strong, quiet dog.

Buffy is none of these things. She's a beagle−and how did Mimi get even that right?−she's small enough to fit into his arms and she's anything but quiet. She's six years old, a rescue from an abusive home, and she limps from a badly healed fracture in her right hind leg. When Alex sees that, after Buffy has already started licking his face, he snorts in laughter.

She's scruffy and soft and bad-mannered, but she's not afraid of Alex at all. It's like being abused hasn't even made a dent in her faith in humans. Or maybe just in Alex, since he seems to be the only one she even comes close to.

They fit together perfectly.

-

Buffy doesn't like Michael, at first.

She might just be picking up on Alex's mood, or there's something about him that sets her off. She doesn't have a problem with Isobel, at least no more than with Alex's other friends, so he doesn't think it's because he's an alien, but she barks loudly when he shows up and plants herself in front of the door, ready to defend her territory. And when Alex shushes her, she sits and glares at Michael, following him in every room like she's watching him. Michael finds her creepy. Alex laughs at them.

It gives him something to laugh at. Pretending that he's okay with everyone invading his home, on the pretext that it's the only place far enough from town to hide Rosa−in the goddamn _murder basement_ , no less−is taking a toll. Pretending he's fine with Michael's proclamation that they're _just friends_ while they're working in his living room is torture. Not to even mention the thought of him and Maria together, of Maria's betrayal.

Buffy barks at Michael, and stays away from everyone else, hiding under Alex's bed. Alex laughs because that's what he wants to do, too. It's like Buffy is reading his mind. Of course, he doesn't have that luxury, so he lives vicariously through her for three weeks and dissociates nearly constantly. The walks he takes with Buffy are his sole escape.

It's only when they're all gone, after Arturo has been read in and Rosa has a new identity, that Alex lets the events of the last few months wash over him.

He lies down on his bed and cries himself to sleep, five days in a row, and Buffy snuggles against his side and nudges his neck. He wakes up from the worst nightmares he's had since he got out of rehab, featuring Michael in the explosion that blew up his leg instead of the one at Caulfield, and Buffy licks his face. He struggles to get up in the morning, and Buffy barks his ears off until he's taken her out.

Months later, he'll tell his therapist that he thinks Buffy may have saved his life.

-

Buffy loves him.

It's a realization that comes over Alex slowly. He doesn't think that much of it, at first, because all dogs show some kind of love to their human, right? Dogs are known to be loyal. As they grow on each other, he just soaks up in her presence and her warmth, when every other part of his life seems to have gone cold. She's soft and warm and alive and that's exactly what he needs.

Later on, he freaks out. It's such a huge responsibility, to have her, when some days he can't even get out of bed. He could put her in serious danger without even meaning to. She trusts him to take care of her, and he doesn't know if he's up to the task.

Buffy answers his concerns with enthusiastic licks and opinions about where she wants to go for a walk. It takes a while, but Alex decides they'll probably be fine. She won't let him forget about her.

She doesn't let him forget about himself. When he loses himself in work, forgetting to eat or sleep, she's there to remind him. She even starts trying to help him on bad days, nudging his leg when he's limping too much, so he trains her to fetch his crutch. Her pride when he thanks her never fails to make him smile.

Buffy loves him unconditionally, and it's something Alex has never had before. She doesn't turn her back on him when he makes a mistake. She doesn't force him to talk when the words catch in his throat. She's just there.

Alex has always loved deeply, but Buffy is the one who teaches him how to be loved.

So when Michael shows up at his doorstep one day, months after his relationship with Maria very publicly exploded, Alex doesn't shut down.

When Michael starts sprouting some grand metaphoric declaration of how he didn't mean to hurt Alex and how they've got to be star crossed lovers with shitty timing, Alex takes it for what it is, and he murmurs that he's willing to work at it.

Michael leaves and only comes back after a few days, without the cowboy hat and the wall around his heart. Buffy doesn't even bark at him. He goes down to one knee and pets her before he looks up at Alex. Alex lets him in this time.

When, some time later, Michael tell him he loves him, Alex doesn't immediately dismiss it. He takes it in and let it bounce around his brain for a while. He cries a little and he hugs Michael and they spend the night lying on his bed with Buffy between them, just being together.

In the morning, Alex is ready to believe it.

Because if Buffy loves him with all her little heart, then maybe Alex can be worthy of love.

**Author's Note:**

> Every comment makes my day! All thoughts are welcome, included but not limited to theories, favorite lines, squeals, emojis, or anything you feel like sharing ❤️
> 
> I'm also on [Tumblr](https://emma-arthur.tumblr.com/) if you want to chat!


End file.
